


The Family Car

by PatPrecieux



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: John is a Saint, M/M, Sexual Humor, Sherlock is a Brat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:45:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatPrecieux/pseuds/PatPrecieux
Summary: John borrows the Aston Martin. What could possibly go wrong?





	

**Author's Note:**

> John thought driving out of the city would be boring.

Mrs. Hudson had never regretted offering her car to John that awful night. Months later, her Two Boys and the little princess were a happy family in central London, with her, and the car was rarely used. Until THAT day.

 

John kissed the dark mass of curls as he passed on his way to the kettle for more tea. "You remember, yeah that I'm going to Banbury in the morning for the day?"

 

Sherlock looked up from his chair with a sigh, "I remember everything you tell me John."

 

"What did I just say?"

 

"Haven't the vaguest notion."

 

"Not surprised. I go Banbury when sun next rises."

 

"Are you having a cerebral hemorrhage?"

 

"No twat, I thought speaking slowly, in small words, might get your attention."

 

"You have it. Now, what exactly is so important in Banbury to lure you away from me and our bedchamber?"

 

"Our bedchamber?! Which of us has a ripped bodice and heaving bosoms?"

 

"I was correct, you are having a stroke. Please fall on the sofa and save me the strain of lifting you from the floor."

 

"Ta for the concern Sherlock. I'm going to Banbury to inspect the small clinic being opened there. It's a favor for Mike Stamford. The young doctor there is his Godson. Quite brilliant according to Mike."

 

Sherlock looked as if he had sucked a lemon, "Brilliant? Really John! That word seldom applies to people."

 

The doctor smiled inwardly at the jealous tone, "Seems it applies to Doctor Burke. He's rather good to look at as well. Mike showed me some snaps on his phone".

 

Jumping to his feet in indignation, Sherlock seethed, "You have my permission to go, but I forbid you to even glance at that person!"

 

"Am I to assess the clinic and staff with my eyes closed? And, just so you know, genius, the words permission and forbid will get you nowhere with me except in trouble."

 

The detective dipped his head, "You baited me."

 

John pulled him into a hug, "I did, but you have to know I was only joking. For such a bright boy, you can be incredibly gullible."

 

"Where your affections are concerned, I still find myself unsure."

 

"None of that luv. You are it for me, but I WILL have to look at Doctor Burke."

 

"Agreed, but promise me you won't like it."

 

"The entire day will be torture, I promise."

 

"Very well. Order us some Thai while I get the keys to the Aston Martin."

 

"Why would I need the car? The train..."

 

"Advance information is that the trains will be delayed by work stoppages. Unions or some such."

 

"How do you...nevermind, I know Mycroft. Nothing for it then. The drive will be boring, but needs must. Can't change the date."

 

~~~***~~~

 

The next morning, John kissed his "two" babies goodbye and headed out. Once on the motorway, he allowed himself the decadent luxury of pushing the speed limit, and wallowed in the thrill of driving the Volcano Red speedster.

 

Along the way, he had seen road signs for High Wycombe. It left a nasty taste in his mouth, and an ear worm of that damned text alert. How could he have ever told Sherlock to text that...John snorted, "Now who is jealous, Captain?"

 

The short jaunt on the side roads to Banbury was welcome. It wasn't a tiny hamlet or village, but no London. Just big enough to be interesting. After inspecting the clinic, and a hearty late lunch, John did the tourist thing.

 

Solely to annoy Sherlock, John bought him a T-shirt that said "Banbury is Brilliant". He would suffer, but it was worth it.

 

He had just entered the small area of "no man's land", between town and the motorway, when the car began making alarming banging sounds in the rear. John was quite sure he hadn't hit anything, but Christ, it sounded like the car was breaking apart.

 

Surveying the area, he pulled off the road into a wooded area where he could safely get out and take a look. As soon as he turned off the ignition, his mobile alerted a text.

 

Open the boot, I'm getting a cramp in my foot. - SH 

 

"What the fuck?!" John scrambled to the boot and popped the latch.

 

Sherlock gave him an innocent smile and winked. "Thank you John, foot cramps are unpleasant."

 

"How in bloody hell did you get in there?"

 

"Since our new warmth, Mycroft tends to indulge me. The helicopters need to be taken for a run periodically. This destination was as good as any. Getting into the boot was simple. Your predictability is a great aid. Lunch followed by the loo, where you are known to spend extra time just in case of car troubles."

 

"We are NOT discussing my bowel habits right now, or later, before you suggest it. Where is Rosie?"

 

"Safe with Hudders, they revel in each other's company." Sherlock grunted as he clamored out of the car.

 

"What in the name of God is this about Sherlock?!"

 

"Coitus doctor."

 

"Coitus?"

 

"Yes John coitus. The interaction of genitals, sex, doing the deed, the beast with two backs, or more explicitly, fucking." 

 

"I know what coitus is detective! What is all this nonsense about?"

 

"It should be obvious even to you. I followed you here because of the car."

 

"You went through all this because you what? Want to drive the car back to London so we can have sex?"

 

"Driving, boring!"

 

"You're "driving" me around the bend. What do you want?!"

 

"To have coitus in the backseat of the car."

 

"You what? Sex in the backseat of Hudders car, why?"

 

"New experience, dashing handsome you, because we can."

 

"Because we can? Are you cracked?"

 

"My research of the interior dimensions indicates it will be challenging, but possible. And, this area presents the least opportunity of discovery."

 

"You planned this entire thing Sherlock, right down to this woods didn't you?"

 

"Source of pride for you isn't it."

 

"Not sure pride is the word. Well guess what, we are not doing this."

 

"Oh we ARE John, I assure you."

 

~~~***~~~

 

Thankfully, it was warm. Naked on a cold leather seat is not conducive to passion in any way. Sherlock's dimension research aside, it was ridiculous.

 

"Sherlock, your damn knee is in my groin!"

 

"Well I have both of your elbows, one in my navel and the other in my ear!"

 

"Apologies, 'precious', but it's hard to score a bullseye when the frigging target keeps moving." 

 

"I don't have the advantage of being a Hobbit like you, John."

 

"Enough! Up, sit up!"

 

"John I didn't mean..."

 

"You listen to me, brat. Despite the fact that there is hardly room for one erection back here, much less two, I have an impressive one, and God Above, I'm not wasting it!"

 

Sherlock blinked at him slack jawed, "Yes Sir".

 

"Now, you are going to stick your arse between those two front seats, feet on the floor. Well done."

 

"John I seem to be facing the wrong direction."

 

"Not for a blow job. You want coitus, you earn it. Careful though, too good and I'm done."

 

Sherlock worked John to a near frenzy avoiding the point if no return. "Stop luv, I'll be too close."

 

"Orders Sir?"

 

"You better have lube."

 

"Cherry, matches the car."

 

"Only you, nutter. Get me ready, easy pet. Good. Right, you're younger than me, more limber. Crawl up here and take a seat."

 

Long arms and legs maneuvered until Sherlock lowered himself down onto John's weeping cock. He kissed John deeply. "Oh Captain!"

 

"All right, gorgeous, go on. Show me what kind of backseat driver you are."

 

As much as the low roof would allow Sherlock proved himself an excellent "driver", and unsurpassed at "parallel parking."

 

Just like the Aston Martin, their love making handled well in the curves, had explosive acceleration, and crossed the finish line a winner.

 

Sweaty and soaring on endorphins, Sherlock gently pulled off the oversensitive Doctor. "Come here pet, let me make you fly."

 

"Thought we were driving John. Sorry, I'm crap at this."

 

"Anything but, beautiful. You're a star. Let me."

 

Things were fine until Sherlock climaxed. His spine finally gave out and he pitched backwards, his ropes of ejaculate painting the seat and roof, not to mention John's chest.

 

"Jesus Christ Sherlock, what a mess."

 

"You were nothing short of stellar John, and I'm YOUR mess."

 

John kissed every inch of Sherlock he could reach and laughed. "I'm saying it, you know you want me to."

 

Sherlock blushed, "Fine, if you must."

 

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever done."

 

The younger man melted into John. "And you invaded Afghanistan."

 

"That wasn't just me, and neither was this. YOU however, will be seeing to the tidy of this interior. Remember, Hudders knows how to use handcuffs and a gun."

 

Cleaning themselves as best they could, they dressed and started the journey home to Baker Street. Of course, John had to drive since his lanky git sprawled in the passenger seat and promptly fell asleep. 

 

Back in London, John collected Rosie and began dinner, leaving Sherlock to sanitize the car. Bedtime came with a firm scolding to the detective, followed by a thorough snogging.

 

"Are you going to blog about this? The Case of The Fuck in the Family Car?"

 

"No Sherlock just no! Go to sleep!"

 

~~~***~~~

 

Several days later, a peaceful afternoon was shattered by Mrs.Hudson howling up the stairs. "John Watson, what the bloody hell have you done to the inside of my car?!"

 

John turned a panicked glare on Sherlock, "Didn't you clean up after us?"

 

"I may, or may not, have deleted that task from my mind palace."

 

"Oh shit Sherlock!"

 

"I believe it was ejaculate John."

 

At that moment, Martha Hudson appeared at the door. "What have you two hooligans done to my car? The backseat and roof are covered in something white and sticky."

 

John worked his mouth but no sound came forth. He pinned Sherlock with a withering stare.

 

Rising to his full height, pulling his dressing gown around him, Sherlock responded with great dignity, "Well, you see Hudders, it was a warm day. We had the windows open, and there were these pigeons..."

**Author's Note:**

> Always avoid distracted driving. Pull over and park before "engaging in coitus." ;)
> 
> ** Tried to get the roadways correct. If I didn't, just call me directionally challenged. <3


End file.
